Is She Really Gone?

Sadly, yes. Zoey is gone as of 1PM today. It was a day she would have loved - sunny, a fall chill in the air, ideal for playing frisbee or bundling up and going to the park. But instead she laid in her bed and occasionally got up and wobbled outside. She was so unsteady, disoriented, almost like she was drunk. And her face was all swollen because her failed kidneys made her retain water. 

My stepmom and I sat around for hours waiting for something to happen. I'd look at her every once in a while and hope that miraculously she'd be better... that she'd look like herself and start wagging her tail and get up and run to me. But she mainly just slept. Still it was nice to have her there and alive. Her body was warm, her fur was soft, there was still comfort in her presence. But we also knew something had to be done, that she couldn't live everyday like this. 

So at 1PM the vet came with his needles and his sedation and he put her to sleep. I didn't watch, but my dad said she looked peaceful and didn't at all react, which meant she probably didn't feel anything. Someone who loved her was there with her every step of the way, and we know she felt very loved. 

Now I'm not sure how to feel. At the time we were all sobbing. But it's over. There's no more question about her health, she's just... done. Her absence in the house was very palpable and sad. We went out for lunch and when we got back we really expected to hear her bounding down the stairs to greet us, as if she was waiting on my parents' bed until we got home. But there was nothing. And right now I feel kind of numb. I'm all cried out, not over it but not steeped in it. 

It'll be a hard few days, but we have to believe it was the right thing to do and she's in a better place now.