An Uncertain Thanks

Thanksgiving has never really meant much to me besides a large group of family and sometimes friends getting together to engorge ourselves on foods that, any other night, would seem extravagant. Of course that's not something I have a problem with. And I do usually take some time to think about what I'm thankful for - my amazing family, my wonderful boyfriend, being alive and healthy, living in a great apartment in a lively city - and of course being able to watch the Philly Thanksgiving parade featuring such scintillating acts as Syesha Mercado, Mario and the Von Trapp Children (who I will be singing with at the Philly Pops Holiday Concert). 

But today I'm thinking about lots of other things going on that I'm not thankful for. One is that Zoey isn't in the house to share the day with us. And another is that I still haven't the slightest idea what to do with my life. 

I was reading an article in the Inquirer this morning that profiled people who had dedicated their lives to helping the homeless. One was the woman who founded Back On My Feet, a running group for homeless people, and another was a guy who basically started by walking up to homeless people and asking them what they needed. Now he provides meals and checks addressed to state departments so people can get identification like licenses and birth certificates. Those forms of ID help them get jobs and enter shelters. 

It's great to see these people taking something they're passionate about and turning it into life's work. They're doing so much good for the world, and they should feel really proud. I sometimes feel like I need to do something monumental like them. I feel like I have to start my own company, invent a new product, or write a fantastic blog about something totally unique that millions of people will read on a daily basis. 

But then I question whether I really need to do something so huge? Can't I just do something quiet that I love? Sure... the only problem is I don't know what I love doing yet. Well, ok that's not entirely true because I love doing lots of things - singing, writing, reading, playing with my neice and nephew, hanging out with friends - but how is that supposed to translate into an income that I can live with? And what if there's something else that I would really love that I haven't even discovered yet? 

I think my problem is that I have all these grand ideas of unique adventures and profound experiences and finding what I'm truly passionate about, but I don't know  how to go about discovering these things. And sometimes I don't think I need to. Sometimes I think just living is enough. But living doesn't pay the rent. 

I want to resolve something right now, that I'll start looking for what I'm passionate about and working toward making a career of it, but I know I probably won't. The best I can do is give thanks that there is so much out there to discover, and give thanks that I have hope I might discover it... someday.